Today was good until…
“Bruh” called me…at 10:13 tonight! Why is he calling me? I really wanted to answer, but I didn’t because I knew that I didn’t need to talk to him. I have that feeling you do when you want to do something that I shouldn’t want to do. I want to talk to him, I want the attention, I want to have a deep conversation…I want him! But I can’t have him…he has got a girlfriend. And I don’t want to get hurt by giving my heart to him emotionally. It is easy for me to do, ya know. The first time was with “K” in high school and early college years…then with “M” in later college and early twenties…and now it is with “S”! It can seem innocent and such, but I need to be real…I like him! And I want to be close to him and him say the things that I want to hear…but that will just feed my flesh! I am struggling to think rationally. I almost wish that I didn’t have accountability and the conviction because then, I could do what I want to do. But praise be to God who is keeping me, even when I don’t want to be kept.
Lord, what should I do? Should I be really with him and tell him how I feel? How I like him and could easily give my heart to him? I need to do something…or is it that I just need to fight. What are you trying to teach me through this? What is going on, Lord? I really want him to want me…I am just being real! Lord, keep my eyes on you to fulfil me, please! I need to you to remind me that he can’t love me like you do. In Jesus’ name I pray ~Amen
I’m praying with you – God WILL give you the answer. Trust that whatever it is, it’s the best one for you. ((hugs)) Thanks for being so real and honest here…