The Lord’s Table Bible Study–FREE!

Okay, i don’t think alot of people that have heard about Thin Within and Weigh Down have heard about The Lord’s Table Bible Study.  I found out about it by the grace of God, but basically it is a grace oriented approach to eating and feasting on the Lord.  Similar to Thin Within, but it is a free 60-day bible study…and they give you a mentor to help you along the way by responding to your online submissions.  I have done it for 2 days and I am so excited!  Check it out at www.settingcaptivesfree.com to register and start the Lord’s Table Bible Study with me.  I am going to start posting my responses to the study on here and also…I am going to start a Food/Exercise Log on another blog so that I can see the progression of my eating and exercising habits.  Going to do that by tomorrow, so stay posted!

I’m definitely off track!

I see my need forreal!  I am a sinner, continually leaving the path of obedience for that which I believe is better (but it is usually all a lie at the time).  So, since I stopped being real with myself and God about my struggles, they have overtaken me again!  I have to commit to writing on this blog…It really frees me up knowing that I can write about whatever I need to get off my chest and surrender it to the Lord.  And not even knowing it…others can be encouraged.  And not forgetting that I can be encouraged as well because I am documenting my victories and struggles as I trust the Lord to free me from the things I am continually warring against in my flesh!

So when I get back home (I am out of town right now) I have to keep my commitment to journaling on this blog. 

Lord, I need you to keep me with a heart of repentance and trust.  I never want to be content with going wayward.  Thank you for bringing me back with a “want to” and not surrendering to the flesh.  I want to surrender to you…I want to be free from the love of food, lust, and financial disaster.  Thank you for your grace that allows me to sit before you and cry out for help and I can see your hand in my life. Thank you for being faithful when I am faithless.  I love you, Lord.  In Jesus name, I pray~Amen

Today was good until…

“Bruh” called me…at 10:13 tonight!  Why is he calling me?  I really wanted to answer, but I didn’t because I knew that I didn’t need to talk to him.  I have that feeling you do when you want to do something that I shouldn’t want to do.  I want to talk to him, I want the attention, I want to have a deep conversation…I want him!  But I can’t have him…he has got a girlfriend.  And I don’t want to get hurt by giving my heart to him emotionally.  It is easy for me to do, ya know.  The first time was with “K” in high school and early college years…then with “M” in later college and early twenties…and now it is with “S”!  It can seem innocent and such, but I need to be real…I like him!  And I want to be close to him and him say the things that I want to hear…but that will just feed my flesh!  I am struggling to think rationally.  I almost wish that I didn’t have accountability and the conviction because then, I could do what I want to do.  But praise be to God who is keeping me, even when I don’t want to be kept.

Lord, what should I do?  Should I be really with him and tell him how I feel?  How I like him and could easily give my heart to him?  I need to do something…or is it that I just need to fight.  What are you trying to teach me through this?  What is going on, Lord?  I really want him to want me…I am just being real!  Lord, keep my eyes on you to fulfil me, please!  I need to you to remind me that he can’t love me like you do.  In Jesus’ name I pray ~Amen

Why is “he” doing this?

So today after church, “he” called me twice.  I missed the calls though…and he noticed that I do that alot.  (Not purposely though, I just don’t feel like I have to have my phone on me all the time…but that is another post, for another time) But anyways, he called to see if I wanted to go swimming…and just like yesterday he called to see if I wanted to go with him to this back to school event with him at a church.  Now see that is fine to be invited, but why am I being invited exclusively?  So anyways, I didn’t go swimming because it was too late anyway.  But then, he told me he wanted me to ride with him somewhere later today!  Me ride with him!  Exclusice alone time with him is not good for me.  I want to go to…that is the thing!  It hasn’t gotten too wierd yet…maybe I just need to see.  I don’t know, I am confused…and I am having fun too getting his attention.  I ain’t gonna lie!

Lord, what am I supposed to do?

We went out to eat…

After church, we went out to eat at Jason’s Deli.  I didn’t want to spend any money, but Molly covered me.  (Another blessing!) I ordered the delicious chicken alfredo…and only ate half of it.  I stopped before I was stuffed…and I have enough for dinner tonight.  I enjoyed the fellowship of my brothers and sisters too.  Thank you Lord for allowing me to enjoy my lunch today and not overeat.  It was definitely you.  Please keep me self-controlled in the way I relate to food for the rest of today.  In Jesus’ name I pray ~Amen

There is this brutha…

There is this “brutha” that I am so attracted to here in my community.  I enjoy his time and company…and I know that he enjoys me too.  If he didn’t, he wouldn’t be calling ME to hang out, run errands with him, or join him for dinner.  But I have a problem, he is in a relationship with someone…and apparently a serious one.  She lives out of the state…in fact she is like 8 hours away.  I feel like he is attracted to me too, but he has this commitment to this other girl.  Or, I could be wrong…he may just be using me to fulfil a desire he has to spend time with a woman.  I don’t know, but I have a feeling that this could get messy unless I get somethings straight…with my own thinking!

I’ve been hurt by guys before like this, I feel like.  I have always been cool with the guys…I love being around them.  I struggle though because I want to have a guy around that can be my defender, ministry partner, hero, cuddler, attention getter, eye candy…hey, I am just being real!  So what I need to do, and what I want to do are completely opposite.  I need to resolve not to be alone with him, go out to eat with him, or talk about deep heart issues with him.  But what I want to do is be alone with him every moment I get, get all jazzy and go out to eat downtown with him (he already promised me this), and talk about my heart, dreams, and desires openly with him.  That’s what I want!  But it is not good for me.

Lord, please help me to deal with “him” in a God honoring way.  Give me wisdom, give me a desire to turn towards you and not the desires of my flesh.  Even give me boldness to speak when things aren’t right in our relating.  Help me to wait for You and who you have for me as my future mate.  Lord, I know that what you have in store is way better than anything that I can ask, dream, or imagine.  Please show me that your way is infinitely better than my way. In Jesus’ name I pray ~Amen

Thin Within…

So about two days ago I started to eat within the hunger-fullness principles I have read about in Thin Within…but yesterday, i messed up after going to Zaxby’s.  I eat well there, and then I had left overs and brought them home…and then aet the left overs at like 4 in the morning!  I woke up this morning and did it all again…not correcting my mistake from last night.  I need self-control!  I need to commit myself to do this and trust the Lord through it all.  I want to be freed from the desire to overeat because I fail to run to the Lord to fill my heart hunger. 

Lord, please help me…I am starting over tomorrow.  Lead me and give me strength to be self-controlled and alert. Thank you for being all that I need!

An answered prayer!

So for the longest time, I have been struggling financially…not having enough to pay my bills, buy groceries & gas, and purchase clothes that fit and look nice.  It has been this way for about 3 years now…every since I graduated from college.  But today, the Lord finally provided more income for me so that I can prove to be a good steward of what He has entrusted to me.  I am going to recieve double what I have been getting the past two months…and I am on salary doing full-time ministry…what I love to do!  Praise God!  And just when I thought I had faced the hardest part of it all…the Lord proved to be faithful once again.  Why do I ever doubt your faithfulness Lord?  You have never left me in my troubles alone and without provision.  Thank you for reminding me today that you are with me and you will fight for me, all I have to do is be still (Exodus 14:13)! 

I can pay my insurance bill on the 1st even though it went up $35…I can pay my student loan even though it went up 66 dollars…and I can catch up on my car payment…and finally pay my phone bill…and get my hair done…and buy some clothes that fit…and buy groceries to eat my own meals…and give tithe to my church…and figure out where else I can give for the kingdom!  I am so thankful.  Lord, please don’t let me forget all that you hav taken me through to get here and realize what is truly priority and what is not.  I want to be a faithful servant that is a conduit of resources for your kingdom. Amen.

Praise God for He is Jehova-Jireh!

Hello world!

Just to let you know, this blog is for me to cry out to the Lord on particular issues on my heart consistently.  Kinda like a prayer journal…so don’t be surprised how transparent I may be on here!